| loosing my sanity |
[Friday
September 4th, 2009] |
| [ |
music |
| |
old john mayer |
] |
Im sitting in my kitchen/den watching brooke smoke a cig in the patio,
listening to john mayer and reminiscing.
i go to class tuesdays and thursdays all day which i know i can do.
im good at school regardless of it being high school or college.
i see madisons car about twice a day, well to my
amazement he has the same math class i the same room right after me,
so i saw him and he said hey to me.. it struck me in amazement.
He hasnt spoke to me in almost a year now after he left me and
i lost all hope. i text him right after asking what class he was
attending and we had a short conversation. needless to say
my head is fucking with me while im sleeping again, taunting me
with thoughts and memories of our past, im assuming that my head
wants me to loose all my sanity and off myself but im not resorting
to that circumstance. i miss him like the world and there is really
nothing i can do about it.
im going insane.
|
|
|
| you were the one to lower my gun |
[Monday
May 11th, 2009] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 okay |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
jay brennan lower my gunn |
] |
Prom was saturday and it was amazing, it was a big group of us like 20 i think and not for not going with a date, i sorta accumulated one :]]]
[facebook for photos]
haha well my x was there with his dumb gf and i did not care for one sec,
becuase the whole thing was just fun.
i really like this new one so we'll see how things turn outtt,
Mmm while i was dancing i had taken his tie off and had it around my neck and
his shirt unbuttoned lol my bad, it was amazing.
last night he text me at work and asked me to hangout with him, even
though this morning he had an ib english test and i had a french 4 final,
but we walked around the city center together and talked and stuff,
it was really nice like in a lame way and i cant wait to see him again.
:]]]
|
|
|
| well if you want to me my girl then you've got to be wrong, most of the time |
[Monday
April 27th, 2009] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 mhm. |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
pepper |
] |
So saturday was grad bash. its like islands of adventure and universal's version of disneys grad night. i had an amazing time, which im glad cuz i didnt think i was going to.
i hung out with all my friends that are like in my classes not that i really hang out with much outta school, but it was wayy fun. Our school was way strict on dress code cuz i guess disney is but at ioa they didnt give a fuck what ppl were wearing. which was dumb cuz like 10 kids at my school had to change their clothes when they got here.
But overall it was fun;; the line for dueling dragons is in the construction area for the harry potter part of the park, lol we were all lifting eachother over to see it.
lol and akon wasnt that bad.
((love this song))
Tell me what your friends call you and let's save some time.
you got three different colors in your hair is the real one hard to find?
ya baby you the type to think your right all along?
well if you want to me my girl then you've got to be wrong...most of the time
Things that you love, they can disappear
Tell me what your favorite movie is of all time
are you a book worm or a worm in an apple ??
are you the type of person that would really understand?
are you always busy makin' other plans...I tell you
Things that you love, they can disappear
Things that you love, they can disappear
Come on sexy play me I'll be more then ready
here the produce tastes like strawberries
little queen of mischeif spendin' all your loot
but i'm picturin you naked standing in your boots
Now I'm just gettin to know you, what you got for me.
Tell me about your parents cause the fruit don't fall far from the tree
Are you bulletproof with your nickels and dimes
do you hold the remote and change the channel all the time? I tell you
Things that you love, they can disappear
like the ramblin' and ramblin' is on my mind, hate to leave ya baby but your so unkind, hot tamales better let yourself cool down, ramblin' on my mind so i can leave this town
Things that you love, they can disappear
things that you love baby, things that you love baby
Things that you love baby, they can disappear
|
|
|
| If you got the weed i got the light;; |
[Wednesday
April 22nd, 2009] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 okayyy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
shwayze :] |
] |
Its april 22, earth day!
hah so i basically have about 15 days of school left,
i just counted holy shit. i cannnot believe that.
im going to quit skipping the morning classes now,
just because thats to crazy to handle.
haha so i guess i used up my prom dates. while i was an
underclassman:
9 paul n. (just friends)
10 Branltey (was current bf)
11 Madison (was current bf)
12 like 20 people (all friends)
Lol so this year i dont have a bf for that or a date
and i really dont care, lol its whatever, its a big group.
grad night is Saturday and we cant wear "destroyed" denim
haha i was like well then i need to go shopping asap.
Haha this song reminds me of last year right nowww,
with my x. haha
If you got the weed
i got the pipe
we ca get high together all night
If you got the weed i got the light
we can get high together all night
9:45 work start at 10
so it look like im callin in sick again
id rather get some herbs
and kick it witrh my friends
hit the beach
and treat it like a weekend
Me n jin aint really speakin
so baby girl come over this intant
got a new ride so fuck the speed limit
i live by the w's weed n women
I live on the beach down the street from cheech
i cant buy you a drink and its not that im cheap
im jus broke ma to let you know
but somehow i always got some weed to smoke
and if i dont ill still get you high
with my love under the moon sky
21 years young gota limited time
cuz we livin to die
so im livin it right
(chorus)
It was saturday
took her to a play it was the matinae
i didnt even pay her
the daddy say that he dont like my ways
all becuz i hit 3 times a day dropped her off late with a sticky face
so a kiss on the cheek is your mistake
drivin down PCH with a smile on my face
and a blunt in my ash tray cute chick on my side and the ass is great
almost outa gas so we hit the bank
aint been payed so i told her thanx
when she lent me the card and filled my tank
yeah she in the sceen yada yada
with the subi jeans sidekick and the purse
alexander my queen i got ripped t-shirt and some brand new kicks but you know they aint clean
|
|
|
| But i miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain.... |
[Tuesday
March 31st, 2009] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 okayy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
the way i loved you |
] |
thats the way i loved youuu.
haha this weekend was jcghsdfjkhydsjkh. :]]
i came home wasted friday and saturday and
this boy came over <3333
but im good.
my room is pink and green now it loooks nice, and not trashed like usual, ahah with my 39874589573475897259 articles of clothing, but seriously. i have a surplus of clothes.
and i never like any of them haha thats life.
Mmm i want a new back tat.
|
|
|
|
[Tuesday
March 24th, 2009] |
|
Fuck you brantley.
|
|
|
| Every bumb in the road I've tried to swerve. |
[Tuesday
March 24th, 2009] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
whatever |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Breathe |
] |
So basically my life is passing and i dont care, me and bee arent talking anymore and i am actually sad to say that im glad, she was the definition of fucking bitch. Her bf josh cheated on her and broke up with her a few months back and she called me crying so i told her to come over cuz i felt badddd. When me and madison broke up i was upset for a few months she was to "in love" with josh to give a fuck about anyone but herself. Fucking bitch she was never there for me even one time and i hope she rots. Yesterday in class change she went on this rant to brooke about how much of a syupid skank i am, yeah me. HAHahahaha thats funny i wasnt the one knocked up with my best friends boyfriends baby. That just says slut. HAHAHAHA and im the skank?!?! Ive never slept with or even kissed ANY of my friends boys, she has taken them, fucked them, and got prego by them. Dumb bitch, she is a bitch to everyone that she doesnt know, wtf is that theres no reason for her to be a dumb cunt, if i dont know someone im Not going to be mean to them, theres no excuse for that. So now at school she has 2 friends, because brooke and rio are her friends that she sits with in the morning,and they also think that shes a complete cunt and dont want anything to do with her either. Im glad to get that bitch outta my life finally.
On another note,
Branltey you asked me to come, i love you and so of course i did more than a few times. I was there the day you couldnt even speak! I stayed with you more than a few times, i saw you at your worst. I had never been to a hospital before and i went for you. So dont be a fuck and down talk me on here, I have done nothing wrong to fuck you over or be a bitch to you! So lets not start this stupid shit on here where we argue and downtalk eachother, i dont do it to you, so dont do it to me. I dont even know where you'd pull the imma skank thing from you know me and i was with you for 2 years, things happened and we broke up. We broke eachothers hearts more than one time and we both know that we grew up living drugged up, lieing, fucked up lives; but we did it together. We got threw it all and are okay now, we grew up to be the way we are now and i know we both learned from it. SO lets drop this fighting bullshit your trying to start.
|
|
|
| I was a dreamer before you went and let me down.. |
[Friday
March 20th, 2009] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 indescribable |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
White horse; Taylor Swift |
] |
So my iphone is on shuffle, this is what comes on.
White horse. Fml::
Say you're sorry
That face of an angel comes out
Just when you need it to
As I pace back and forth all this time
'Cause
I honestly believed in you
Holdin' on,
The days drag on
Stupid girl
I should have known, I should have known
That I'm not a princess
This ain't a fairytale
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain't Hollywood,
This is a small town
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now its too late for you and your White Horse,
To come around.
Maybe I was naïve,
Got lost in your eyes
I never really had a chance.
My mistake, I didn't know to be in love you had to fight to have the upperhand.
I had so many dreams about you and me.
Happy endings;
Now I know
I'm not a princess
This ain't a fairytale
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain't Hollywood,
This is a small town
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down.
Now its too late for you and your White Horse,
To come around.
And there you are on your knees
Begging for forgiveness,
Begging for me
Just like I always wanted,
But I'm so sorry
Cause Im not your princess
This aint a fairytale
Im gonna find someone, Some day
Who might actually treat me well.
This is a big world,
That was a small town
There in my rearview mirror,
Disappearing now.
And it's too late for you and your White Horse,
Now its too late for you and your White Horse
To catch me now.
It's too late
To catch me now.
I saw this music video the other day on tv and it starts with her crying her eyes out and a guy calls her and says do you still love me then it starts playing the song with her and her "perfect" man being all in love and together happily, then her friend tells her that hes with someone else behind her back and she catches him in a bunch of lies with another girl, who might i add is not half as beautiful as taylor swift, shes freaks and he calles her and asks the question from the begining and she says yes, he asks for her back and she says no, hangs up and cries more. That is amazing, if only every girl had that courage, to tell someone they love no. This music video is one of the most well played out and influential videos that i've ever seen. What i would give to be able to tell him no if he wanted me back, you have no idea.
So today madison isnt here because i guess with out my motivation he thinks he is better than school, he comes about 3 whole days a week then to 1 or 2 periods the other days. His mom has her Dr. in english teaching and her son is failing. Wow, real influential parenting huh, I know his mom tries and with my help he actually went last year almost everyday, now i guess his girlfriend sam isnt that great of a person to make him go.
Maybe last year he went to see me everyday, not that we werent together 24/7 but he came to school for me, im glad that i can see that he once did really like me.
Remembering, One day he came over after school with his guitar and played me a song that he wrote for me, that day i knew he was the most amazing person in my world, i had never liked someone that much in my entire life, he was The One for me and i was in love. Well i guess it wasnt my turn to be happy, he left me about 8 months later. I guess life fucks you that way.
My most recent photobucket upload. yeah he's driving MY car.
What a cunt.
|
|
|
| just realizing |
[Thursday
March 19th, 2009] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
Still holdin a gruge Whatever. |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Punk goes pop 2 <33 |
] |
that i dont actually use this anymore and i really dont know why i dont.
i guess i just basically forgot about it.
to update.
so since may of 2008 the last time i posted anything it was about my junior prom, with that fuckhead of a guy. Me and madison dated untill late october when he broke up with me in a freaking text message!!! what is that a text message grow some freaking courage. he said he had no real reason why but he didnt feel the same about me as he did when we started dating a year before. it makes me want to shoot him in his blonde fucking head. And then i find out that at his job (which was holliser, where i told him to get a job cuz he hated being a lifegurad[which as of this weekend he is again]) he had met this girl who was blonde and had her nose pierced like me,(coincidence huh?) me and her had became friends,and come to find out they had been together hanging out behind my back andd lieing to me about it but still i really didnt worry, so why didnt i think he would ever even think about this other girl, HE HAD kissed ONE girl before me, so of course i didnt feel threatened at alllll. I was his only real relationship and to my dismay started fucking and spend 24/7 with this stupid bitch. Oh and btw this girl has hooked up with multiple guys that i know, they all say that she is a Huge slut and now im glad he is with her. Shes cheated on him a bunch with her x and of course everything gets back to me cuz i have friends everywhere. HE doesnt know that she is with him for convience cuz he pays for everythinggg and is actually an amazing person. She is using him and he doesnt even know it!!!!!! I hope he catches her fucking someone else and he feel worse than i still do. I hope he loves her and she smashes his fucking heart in. I hope its till the point to where he cant ever really think of being in a reliationship again, untill hes much older. I hope that Madison gets a fucking clue and one day wants me back, just so i can throw it all back in his face. I will never like someone as much as i liked him and i am fully aware of that, it doesnt bother me i relize that it happens. I just wish i could have had a hint that this was gonna happen so i could have fucked his friends and destoryed his entire life.
At school now he has the locker next to me and wont look me in the eyes. He wont speak to me about just school or life in general, but for a few words. HE is still with that girl and i still get asked questions about him when i go places or see ppl that we havent seen in a while. He blocked me on myspace and i know its cuz he doesnt have the balls to deal with me after what he did. She didnt block or even delete me and alwyas posts bullitions about how drunk she was and how much fun she has a parties. She can rot in hell with him. I hope she gives him whatever stds shes collected from all those drunkin parties and i hope Together she can happily amount to nothing, just like he will, and live happpily forever, dumb Fucks.
On a different note, i will be graduating soon and really dont give a fuck what happens to me after that, im getting my nursing degree and i hope i find someone 100 times better with an actaul personality but who knows, i will be satisfied as long as he is in this shithole without a decent job and his fucked up girlfriend. Happily ever after right?
|
|
|
| surrounded by a million people i still feel so alone |
[Sunday
May 11th, 2008] |
| [ |
music |
| |
blake shelton home |
] |
prom was last night it was fun.. madison surprised me by dancing??? hah it was funny i love to dance and in his drunkin state so did he and i was super glad cuz i love it. afterwards we all went back to bees casa. [theres pics on myspace] well not having to work since thursday has been amazing since i took off saturday and sunday. i love it i basically hate work and ice cream makes me want to commit suicide. especially stupid managers who make me train people who are morons. i cannot stand it. regardless
i forgot to mention that i have hair extensions sewn in and it looks snazzy
me and my mom decided on a spurr of the moment that were going to new york city this summer for a mother daughter trip. so im stoaked. thats of coruse before our annual arizona trip to my grandpas ranch/tracktor house. what a place to go
|
|
|
| i suggest i sit up straight |
[Saturday
April 5th, 2008] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
sooo |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
my american heart |
] |
so i just got back from the bahamas, it was fun.
i just like here way more which i guess is weird to say because so many people talk about how they just wanna leave florida and get away. i guess in a way i do to but i donno it just gave me a good reality check on how this place isnt as bad as people make it out to be but whatever.
so i was think about what i was doing this time last year.
summed up it was the good second begining of an old relationship i had with someone and we were on a cruise this time'ish together, just jerking around and enjoying our youth, which i'd have to say definitly flys by. ill be 18 and hell be 21 wow. it all started at 15 and 19, it sounds worse at that age but now its not bad at all. i guess i really didnt think i would not be with him now, from this time last year, we didnt fight much and it just seemed like forever was a good posibility. Haha like that stuck for long...it eventually grew into a big orally abusive relationship, where yelling in the car was the only way to solve anything and trust me wasnt a possible, especially when at the time i had done nothing of his knowledge to prove myself not trustworthey. Ahh whatever he couldnt change and we grew apart.
thats just life i guess...
a simple memmory:
all my friends drowning at sea
yeah everyone except for you and me
and they'll be at the bottom
and they'll be at the bottom
an anchor tied to their feet
with all the love, their hearts will sink
and they'll be at the bottom
and they'll be at the bottom
i think i'll take the long way home
i suggest i sit up straight sit up straight
i sit up straight sit up straight
i think i'll take the long way home
i suggest i straighten up and get out
straighten up and get out, yeah
you know i wont mind
if the current falls over you
you know i wont mind
if the current falls over me too
because i think i'll take the long way home
sit up straight
i sit up straight sit up straight
i think i'll take the long way home
i suggest i straighten up and get out
i straighten up and get out, yeah
i think i'll take the long way home
i think i'll take the long way home
|
|
|
|
[Friday
January 20th, 2006] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 pissed off |
] |
|
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
|
|
|
|
okayy
